


Piles of Nerves

by ImperialKatwala



Series: Conglomeratestuck [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Feelings Jams, Gen, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, piles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-07-24 12:45:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16175357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImperialKatwala/pseuds/ImperialKatwala
Summary: Welcome to Ella and Eridan's first-ever feelings jam, in which they discuss many things, including dead friends and dead planets. I swear it's happier than I just made it sound.Includes headcannons about moiraillegience and about trolls.





	Piles of Nerves

You look down at the pile you've just created. It's mostly blankets and pillows, and it honestly looks really comfortable.

You catch yourself running your fingernail back and forth and back and forth over the hem of your shirt. Nerves. You force yourself to stop. Deep breaths. It'll be fine. "So what now?"

Eridan, your brand-new moirail as of yesterday, seems nervous as well. Strangely enough, that makes you feel a little bit better. "Wwell... Howw much do you actually knoww about moiraillegience?"

You let out a funny, breathy kind of laugh and pray it doesn't sound as awkward as you think it sounds."I'm friends with Karkat. He's made me watch a lot of rom-coms about moiraillegience." Most of them were last night, at your panicked request, but Eri doesn't need to know that.

He laughs, too. "Fair point. So, basically, a good moiraillegience is based on feelings jams. You talk to your moirail about stuff that's botherin' you."

You nod. "Right. And that's what you're proposing we do now?"

"Yeah. If you're comfortable wwith that, of course."

After a split second of hesitation, you nod again. "So how do we do this?"

Eri gestures at the pile. "Snugglin's typically invvolvved."

"Is that why you guys like piles so much?" you ask, genuinely curious, and not at all using said curiosity as a delaying tactic.

"It's... complicated. It's a troll thing."

You chuckle. A real chuckle this time. "I gathered. So, pile it is." Without giving yourself any more time to think about it, and thus panic over it, you flop down into the blanket pile.

Eri copies you, still talking. "Typically, the piles are made of more personal stuff; like I used to havve one made of wwands, and Gam had a horn pile."

"That sounds uncomfortable," you comment.

"Kinda, but that's not really the point. The point's to be surrounded by stuff your moirail likes. That usually helps us calm dowwn and feel at ease, wwhich helps wwith feelings jams. Or, if it's just you, it's all the things that you like, wwhich kinda does the same thing."

You hum thoughtfully, draping one arm over his stomach and snuggling closer to him. This, you can do without much awkwardness. You've always been a tactile person. "That's actually really sweet."

"... I guess it is."

There's silence, then. A hesitant, kind of awkward silence.

You break it. "So what sorts of things do you talk about during a feelings jam?"

Eridan shrugs. "Anythin', really. Just... Wwhatevver's botherin' you."

"I... I've been kind of... upset, lately," you admit, with more than a little trepidation. "I don't know why."

"Upset about wwhat?"

You kind of bury your face in his shoulder so you don't have to look at him as you talk about this. "... My friends. The other people in my session. I've been really missing them."

You feel him messing with one lock of your hair. He starts making this... purring, clicking, growling noise, and you can feel it vibrating through his chest. It sounds protective. Caring. You decide you like that noise.

Taking a deep breath, you continue. "It's just... They meant so much to me, you know? I really cared about them. So losing them... really hurt. It still hurts."

"I knoww," he says quietly. The words are slightly fuzzy due to the purring sound he's still making. "It hurts for a long time. But it wwon't hurt forevver. Promise."

"Do... Do you ever feel like something horrible is your fault, but you're afraid to tell anyone about it, because they'll just dismiss it as not your fault?" you ask, so softly you're afraid he won't hear you.

After a moment, he shakes his head. "No. Do you?"

You nod. That's all you can do. Any more and it feels like you might fall apart.

There's another stretch of silence. This one feels less awkward and more... thoughtful. Eri lets go of the one lock he's messing with and starts running his fingers through your hair.

Finally, he breaks the silence. "Tell me about them?"

So you do. You tell him all the fun, silly things about your friends; what they liked, where they lived, what sort of people they were.

It's nice. And it lifts a weight from your shoulders you were only half aware of.

Then Eri starts talking. He tells you about Alternia, about helping Feferi feed her lusus, about who he thought he was and who he wanted to be. And you can tell that this is helping him, too.

The two of you talk for hours. Eventually, you fall asleep there; curled up together in a pile of blankets.


End file.
